Question (Q-94)
I love a pious Muslim girl and I am waiting till my marriage to have her as a wife, with the Will of Allah. I do not have any contact with her as I know that this would go against the teachings of Islam. Please guide me in light of Islamic Law and let me know if I will be taken to account for this?
Answer:
In the Name of the Almighty
It is extremely important for the young generation to enter into Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) when they have the ability and to not delay this. In the situation described within the question, if the questionner is not managing to control the inclination of his heart but does not have any connection nor does he take any other steps in terms of intentionally bringing the girl into his imagination nor does he purposely look at her nor does he have any contact with her then he will not be taken into account for the feelings of his heart. Moreover, if this is the case, he will be worthy of reward. A person who is afflicted with love gains the reward of a Shahīd (martyr) when he remains chaste and death comes to him in the same situation whilst he has kept his love hidden.
Allah the Almighty states,
فانكحوا ما طاب لكم من النساء
“Marry the women who you like.” (Sūrah Al-Nisā’ 4:3)
It is stated in Ṣaḥīḥ Al-Bukhārī,
عن علقمة قال بينا أنا أمشي مع عبد الله رضي الله عنه فقال كنا مع النبي ﷺ فقال من استطاع الباءة فليتزوج فإنه أغض للبصر وأحصن للفرج ومن لم يستطع فعليه بالصوم فإنه له وجاء
It is narrated from ʿAlqamah who stated, Whilst I was walking with ʿAbdUllah (Ibn Masʿūd – Allah be pleased with him), he stated, “We were with the Prophet ﷺ and he ﷺ said, “Whoever has the ability to marry should marry for indeed it lowers the gaze and protects the private area. Whoever does not have the ability (to marry) should fast for indeed it breaks (lust).”
The teacher of our teachers, the commentator upon Al-Bukhārī, Muftī Sharīf ul Ḥaqq Amjadī (Allah shower mercy upon him) wrote in commentary upon the aforementioned Ḥadīth,
“1. It is Sunnah Mu’akkadah (an emphasised Sunnah) for the one who is in a moderate circumstance i.e. he is not overcome by lust and nor is he impotent, to marry when he has the ability to fulfil the expenditures (of his spouse). The one who remains adamant to not enter into Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) in this situation is a sinner. If he enters into Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) to be protected from Ḥarām (the prohibited), to fulfil the Sunnah and to act upon the command (of Islamic Law) then he will also be worthy of reward. If he enters into Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) for mere fulfilment of desires then he will not be worthy of reward. It will be merely Mubāḥ (permissible).
2. If lust is so immense that there is a strong chance that he will become embroiled in the sin of fornication or in an immoral action if he does not enter into Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) then it will be Wājib (necessary) for him to enter into Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) if he has the ability to pay for the dowry as well as expenditure (of his wife).
3. If he is certain that he will become embroiled in fornication if he does not enter into Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) then it is Farḍ (essential) for him to enter into Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage).
4. If there is a fear that he will not be able to fulfil the expenses or he will not be able to fulfil other important rights then it is Makrūh (disliked) for him to marry. If there is certainty that he will not be able to fulfil these then it is Ḥarām (prohibited) for him to marry. Nevertheless if he does marry (in spite of it being forbidden to do so), the marriage itself will be valid.”
(Nuzhah al-Qārī, Volume 3 Page 265)
In relation to those who attain the reward of a martyr, it is stated in Radd al-Muḥtār, Volume 3, Page 195,
أو بالعشق مع العفاف والكتم
“Or (the one who dies) in the state of love whilst maintaining chastity and concealing (it).” (i.e. he is included amongst the martyrs).
It is stated in Bahār-e-Sharīʿat, Volume 1, Page 859 in relation to those who attain the reward of a Shahīd (martyr),
“The one who died whilst in love with the condition that he is chaste and that he concealed it.”
In Shams al-Sālik, commentary upon Al-Muwaṭṭa’ of Al-Imām Mālik, Volume 1, Page 616, our respected teacher, Shaykh al-Ḥadīth Muftī Muḥammad Shamsulhuda Khan Misbahi (Allah preserve him) mentioned close to sixty people who attain al-shahādah al-ḥukmiyyah (i.e. martyrdom in ruling). Amongst them, the Shaykh mentioned,
والميت عشقا وقد عف وكتم
“The one who died in the state of love whilst he remained chaste and concealed it.”
It is stated in Mishkāh al-Maṣābīḥ, (al-faṣl al-thālith) Page 276,
عن ابن عباس رضي الله عنهما قال قال رسول الله ﷺ لم ير للمتحابين مثل النكاح
It is narrated from Ibn ʿAbbās (Allah be pleased with them both) who stated that Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said, “There is nothing that has been seen that is better for two people who are in love than Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage).”
Mullā ʿAlī Al-Qārī (Allah shower mercy upon him) writes in commentary upon this Ḥadīth in Mirqāh al-Mafātīḥ,
إذا نظر إلى الأجنبية وأخذت بمجامع قلبه فنكاحها يورث مزيد المحبة وسفاحها البغض والعداوة
“When he (coincidentally) looks towards a woman who is not from his immediate family and her love overcomes his heart then Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) with her will lead to more love whilst fornication/adultery with her leads to hatred and enmity.”
It is stated in Ashiʿah al-Lamʿāt by the great research Scholar, Shāh ʿAbdul Ḥaqq Muḥaddith Dahlawī (Allah shower mercy upon him) in commentary upon the aforementioned Ḥadīth, “Some Scholars have stated that if a person has friendly connections with a female and he loves her then the pleasure of love and affection for her will increase through Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage). Another meaning is that love and inclination will increase two fold after Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage).”
Muftī Aḥmad Yār Khān Naʿīmī (Allah shower mercy upon him) states in commentary of this Ḥadīth in Mir’ah al-Manājīḥ, “One meaning is that if a male falls in love with a female then he should not carry out fornication/adultery with her as that will cause hatred to develop. Rather, he should perform Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) with her as the love will then be continuous.(Al-Lamʿāt, Ashiʿah) It should be noted that Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) is only a chain for love when it is entered into for the pleasure of Allah. If Nikāḥ (Islamic marriage) is entered into due to mere beauty and wealth then sometimes it becomes a means for hatred and enmity which is frequently apparent in our times. The Ḥadīth is correct but our methodology is incorrect.”
And Allah knows best and His Knowledge is Complete and Sublime.
Written by: Shaykh Omar Khan (Allah preserve him)
Verified by: Mufti Shamsulhuda Khan Misbahi (May Allah preserve him)
